Roommates

Unlike a lot of people, I enjoy being alone. I love when I can spend time by myself. It’s like when I’m alone, I can finally drop all the masks and just be myself. It’s so peaceful. Even when I was  a teenager living at home, I didn’t spend hours texting or talking on the phone with my friends like other girls my age. I preferred reading a book or watching a movie on my own. My mother always thought this was weird for a girl of sixteen. She was always telling me to go and hang out with my friends. I knew I was different, but I figured once I grew up, I would start liking people’s company better. Well, I haven’t.

I’m now twenty two and I am still the same as far as I can tell. In fact, I suspect I’ve become worse. When I was sixteen, I would never be rude and ask someone to leave me alone so I can have some peace. Now, I would have no qualms doing that.

Which brings me to the matter of roommates. See, I would love to rent a room just for myself, but my infinitesimal salary doesn’t allow me such luxuries. I have no choice but to go for a shared room. But the thing is I am incredibly unlucky when it comes to roommates. I always get the bad ones.

My very first roommate was in college. To put it plainly, she was a passive-aggressive bitch. She hated it when I touched her things. And when I say touched, I mean touched. I didn’t use any of her stuff. If I moved one of her books from the table to the bed, she would give me the evil eye. If I was working on a project late at night, she would piss and moan about how she couldn’t sleep with the lights on and I would be forced to work outside the room just to be away from her constant whining. If she found hair on the floor, she always assumed it was mine and sulked. During exams, she would read ALOUD like a fucking kid and would get mad if I told her to keep it down. And when she was mad at me, she wouldn’t tell me if she was angry or what she was angry about. She would bang doors. She would intentionally take long baths so that I would be late to class. She would lock me out of the room and not pick up my calls. Man, how I hated her. I still do. Oh, and she also smelled gross. God, she was the worst roommate I have had till date. I’m glad my two years with her are over.

My next roommate was sweet enough I guess. She was not all that bad. But for the one year that I roomed with her, I didn’t get a good night’s sleep. Because she was always on the phone with her long-distance boyfriend at night, fighting and crying. Her snivelling sounds would reach my ears even when I was blasting rock music in my headphones.

My next roommate was okay. I have no complaints about her except maybe… No, strike that, I have no complaints about her. She was sweet, friendly and kept to herself. She took kinda long showers (I’m talking forty five to sixty minute showers), but it was a small price to pay. I liked her.

Then, there is my current roommate. I wouldn’t describe her as a bitch, but there is something definitely a bit off with her. She is still in college and at first, she seemed pretty nice. She seemed a bit nervous about rooming with me. Maybe I was her first roomie. Or maybe she thought since I was older than her, I wouldn’t like her. I dunno. Anyway, at first things seemed okay. But then the crazy started. She ate my food without asking me. She wore my shoes without asking me and now they’re all stretched out. See, I don’t mind my roomies borrowing stuff from me, but they have to ask first. Borrowing is a privilege, not a right. She rifles through my stuff when I’m not in the room. I paid for her dinner once and she didn’t return the money. She borrowed money from me once and when she paid me back, I didn’t count it. That was a mistake because the amount was lesser than what she owed me. She lies. She is manipulative. She nicks small stuff from me like clips. And on top of that, she doesn’t SHUT UP. She is constantly talking my ears off. In short, she seems annoying, unstable and untrustworthy. I want to move out really bad.

After working my ass off at my office, I just want to come back to my room and unwind. But I have to put up with this brat’s bullshit instead. Fuck me.

Relationships are not for me

I’m starting to think I don’t have a single romantic bone in my body. I mean, I’m a girl, for God’s sake! I’m supposed to be graceful and gentle and loving and kind and patient, aren’t I? I’m supposed to get excited about the prospect of marriage, right? I’m supposed to be over the moon about having kids and raising them, right?

Oh, but I am not.

The idea of me having children is repulsive to me. I mean, I can’t even take care of myself. How can I be expected to take care of some other life? I’ll probably be a shitty parent. And I don’t want to be a shitty parent. Cause I have a shitty parent and I know how much it sucks growing up with one.

And don’t even get me started on boys. It’s been so fucking long since I’ve had a crush – at least three years I think. And when a guy does express some sort of interest in me, I run away. The thought of committing myself to a relationship scares me. Because I know I’m fickle. I know I change my mind faster than I change my nail color.

See, I’m no great and terrible beauty. But I can be considered cute in a petite sorta way. And guys seem to like petite-and-cute. Maybe they think petite-and-cute is harmless. Maybe they think petite-and-cute equals sweet-and-naive. I don’t know. I don’t pretend to understand guys. The truth is I am neither sweet nor naive. I care about no one but me. I am a cruel, selfish bitch.

For example, there is this incredibly sweet guy, let’s call him Sam, in my office who seems to like me. And although I don’t return the sentiment, I flirt with him. I know it is bitchy of me and I know I’ll never like him that way, but I still can’t help myself. I want him to like me that way. I’m fake-flirty not just with Sam, but with every guy who seems to be interested in me. I want every guy to want me, so I lead them on.

But.

There is another guy at my office, Sean. Ever since I met him, I’ve been having thoughts about giving this whole relationship thing a go. He is sweet, cute and seems like a good guy. But I don’t want to end up hurting him. I don’t want to toy with him while my interest lasts and then throw him away.

I wouldn’t say I have a crush on Sean. The word ‘crush’ brings to my mind the time I felt giddy and light-headed because that guy with the cute smile passed me in the hallway in my school. I don’t feel giddy when I’m around Sean. It’s been a while since I’ve felt giddy around anyone.

I’m intrigued by Sean. I wonder if I will start acting like a normal girl I get into a relationship with Sean. Because Sean seems like perfect boyfriend material. He is Cameron from 10 Things I Hate About You. He is Pete from Win A Date With Tad Hamilton. He is Cal from Crazy, Stupid Love. He is Tom Hansen from 500 Days of Summer.

Which is exactly why I should tread lightly. He is the archetypal nice guy and I don’t want to break his heart like Summer broke Tom’s.